I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
