i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My penis needs a shock collar
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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