I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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