peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Green mimosas i think yes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
