Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
