Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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