Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
