My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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