I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
