It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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