proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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