just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
