He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
