You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
