Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
