i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
