THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
