Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
