I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The uberlube is also flammable
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
