so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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