so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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