she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
