Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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