Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
