I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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