so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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