you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
