Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
