i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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