Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
