We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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