Just fell off a train. Bad.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
