My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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