DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
wow bdsm is so cute
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
