And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
