He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
