sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
