I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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