YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
