I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
