i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
