Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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