it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
