I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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