it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
