You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In other news, I just burned my penis
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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