if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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