The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
