so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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