i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my vagina is haunted
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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