Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
