Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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