Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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