if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
