I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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