the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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