I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
