I'm really into asian looking animals
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
