i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
