i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
