i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
