I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
